Thursday, April 2, 2009

It's been awhile.
Our basement is finished, but here's the last photo taken--without carpet.

We have Bry's brother & his wife Yukari and their new baby Kentaro living in the apartment downstairs. Their baby makes me smile--he's so sweet!

I haven't had much energy lately. Last week I was mostly dead, but I'm feeling a little more alive this week. Monday, March 23rd I could feel my liver hanging out down below my ribs (which isn't normal) so I mentioned it to my oncologist the next day at my appointment (I still go in for treatment every Tuesday--three weeks in a row and one week off). She seemed concerned and decided to switch my chemo since the liver growing is a sign that what we were doing wasn't working. I also had some other meds to strengthen my bones, build red blood cells, etc. And to top it all off I had an enormous barium smoothy before having a CT scan that evening. The next two days I threw up EVERYTHING and was in and out of the hospital for IV fluids and another test (for my heart). Bry was out of town so my parents came to take care of me. By the weekend my stomach felt worse than when I was nine months pregnant because of all the fluid and pressure from my liver. I decided not to do any chemo the coming Tuesday because I felt so awful.

So--Tuesday came, my doctor felt my liver again and I told her to be blunt because I know the liver is an important organ. She said that if it continued to be like it is, I probably have months not years left. So--I went to the bathroom and had a breakdown. All I could think about was my boys.

I didn't want to do chemo again but I had to do everything I could to try to fight this and live a little longer. So--I did the new chemo again (Adriamycin). Amazingly, I am doing much better since then. The anti-nausea pills and everyone's prayers and fasting are definitely helping!! I haven't thrown up and have slept better. I feel tired, and need to rest often--but it's great improvement over last week.

I'm not sure what the future holds--whether I'll have months or years--but I just have to hang on to the fact that God knows what's going on and his will will be done which means everything will be all-right.

The quote in my day-planner this week is: "I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us." (Dorothy Dix)

Photos from our California trip in March:
At Disneyland:

At the beach with friends the Johnsons:


Kim said...

I just cant' believe how amazing you are. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope the treatments start helping more. Thanks for your great example.

Noelle said...

Hey Jenn, the basement looks great! Bry text Keileigh and invited us over for an evening, we just need to figure out when! Let us know so that we can get that going. Love you and thinking of you!

Leavitt's said...

Jenn, I am soo glad you are feeling better this week. It's good to see you enjoying your new nephew. Thanks for sharing how you are doing. We love you and our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Our Life In Sunny SoCal said...

So glad to see your post, I was worried about you. I'm so glad you are feeling a little better. The basement looks great and having a baby to hold on occasion is great therapy. The photo of you Joe & Sam is a delight, you all have glowing eyes that capture the love in your family. Hang in there! We're praying that peace will fill your home during this Easter season.

Angela Strong said...

You are so stunning....your eyes are bright and they are the windows to your soul. You are amazing and I love your attitude. The basement looks great...I will have to come over and check it out. Thanks for posting again and putting up great pictures. You are my hero and inspiration and I loved talking to you yesterday. I will see you in a couple of days and we will have a good gossip! love to you and yours!

tatum said...

jenn, i have missed you....i feel like i never see you anymore. don't you let the doctors tell you are so strong. and i look up to for doing the treatment anyway, even when you don't feel well....YOU CAN DO HARD! this is my new quote, when i think something is hard i say "i can do hard".

loves and prayers coming your way.

Christi said...

So good to read your post. The basement looks really cool. You & Bry have such great taste, I wouldn't expect anything less. Glad you're feeling a bit better after Chemo. Right before the last dose of Chemo sounded miserable. Hope you watched conference today and felt some peace. Love You!

Anonymous said...

I haven't talked to you for so long, I heard things weren't good, and I didn't want to bug you. Christy keeps promising me she will tell me if there is something I can do. Maybe drive your boys to lacrosse? We're heading out of town until the 14th, and I'll check on you when I get back.
You're always in my prayers.

Bohn Family said...

Bless your heart! Your sweet boys love you! When my mom was so sick with her cancer I couldn't handle it - I was 21 - but it really helped when I could help her the days she got really sick. I would go with her to get her treatments and while she was hooked up to the IV's we would watch old movies and TALK about EVERYTHING! I love those memories! We are so blessed she pulled through and I pray you have the same outcome!