Thursday, April 16, 2009

Things are still about the same--my liver is still ENORMOUS and I look about 3-4 months pregnant. It's usually tucked nicely up behind my ribs, but I can feel it all the way down to my belly button (and it hangs a little lower on the right side). There's fluid from it all over in my abdomen. The rest of my body has become quite skinny--so I'm looking pretty cute right now.

I got a week off chemo this week. However, because of the liver I feel pretty sick and have no energy. I spend a lot of time resting. Food is hard--my mouth is all sore inside from the chemo and my taste buds are all messed up.

I think I'm at the part where you just smile (if you can) and endure.

I still have my bright shining hope that all will be well.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

It's been awhile.
Our basement is finished, but here's the last photo taken--without carpet.

We have Bry's brother & his wife Yukari and their new baby Kentaro living in the apartment downstairs. Their baby makes me smile--he's so sweet!

I haven't had much energy lately. Last week I was mostly dead, but I'm feeling a little more alive this week. Monday, March 23rd I could feel my liver hanging out down below my ribs (which isn't normal) so I mentioned it to my oncologist the next day at my appointment (I still go in for treatment every Tuesday--three weeks in a row and one week off). She seemed concerned and decided to switch my chemo since the liver growing is a sign that what we were doing wasn't working. I also had some other meds to strengthen my bones, build red blood cells, etc. And to top it all off I had an enormous barium smoothy before having a CT scan that evening. The next two days I threw up EVERYTHING and was in and out of the hospital for IV fluids and another test (for my heart). Bry was out of town so my parents came to take care of me. By the weekend my stomach felt worse than when I was nine months pregnant because of all the fluid and pressure from my liver. I decided not to do any chemo the coming Tuesday because I felt so awful.

So--Tuesday came, my doctor felt my liver again and I told her to be blunt because I know the liver is an important organ. She said that if it continued to be like it is, I probably have months not years left. So--I went to the bathroom and had a breakdown. All I could think about was my boys.

I didn't want to do chemo again but I had to do everything I could to try to fight this and live a little longer. So--I did the new chemo again (Adriamycin). Amazingly, I am doing much better since then. The anti-nausea pills and everyone's prayers and fasting are definitely helping!! I haven't thrown up and have slept better. I feel tired, and need to rest often--but it's great improvement over last week.

I'm not sure what the future holds--whether I'll have months or years--but I just have to hang on to the fact that God knows what's going on and his will will be done which means everything will be all-right.

The quote in my day-planner this week is: "I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us." (Dorothy Dix)

Photos from our California trip in March:
At Disneyland:

At the beach with friends the Johnsons: