I'M THANKFUL!!

I'm thankful for Bry who draws me a bath every night for my achy bones, who rubs my back for hours in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and who would rather be with me than anyone else. He even does the dishes most nights and vacuums!!


I'm thankful for Joe and Sam--who love to sit on the heater in the mornings while they eat breakfast. They learned this from me. I couldn't ask for better boys. They bring a smile to my face.




After feeling really yucky and nauseous and like my ribs and back are falling apart--and feeling sorry for myself--I got a call last night from my nurse. I didn't want to talk with her because I figured it was bad news with how crappy I've been feeling. When she said I'd be thankful to hear it, I let her tell me: my tumor marker is at 1,500!! That's over 1,000 lower than last time, and I havent been in the 1,000's for a long time! The chemo must be working (along with all my homeopathic and herbal stuff). So the nausea isn't so bad if I know it's helping me stay alive longer.

Last week was a really tough week for both Bry and me, but at the end of the week I looked back and realized how many people did nice things for us. The good definitely outweighed the bad--and I was amazed at how many acts of kindness we were blessed with. I am so grateful for good family and friends!! We love you all!!

It's all in how you look at things. There is always going to be the negative--but if you look for the positive--it's always there too. Even in the worst circumstances there is always something to be thankful for.

I've had some amazing pain and nausea this week. Sometimes we may think that what we're going through is bad, and then when it gets worse, the bad doesn't seem so bad any more. There are so many levels of opposition. It's like a video game--when you pass one level, you get to move to the next, and then the next. The higher you go, the better you get at it--and the more points you get!!

Last night I was feeling like I was done. Done with all the medications, done with feeling pain and yuck and nausea. I'm just a wimp when it comes to these things. I know it can get much worse--but I was feeling like I had hit my limit.

For inspiration I opened my trusty little book, "Stand A Little Taller" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It said:

I know there are a lot of us who are going through major struggles. Hopefully this encourages you like it did me!

Pretty in Pink

My sister-in-law Emily e-mailed me this photo--and I had to share it!

I've had two weeks on the chemo pills and almost two weeks off. I'm on an off week, but haven't felt too good yet. Today was the best so far, but the evening was yucky again. It's the yucky/nauseous feeling like when you're pregnant--only I'm not throwing up--I just feel a constant yuck. I've had a little back pain as well. None of this is really horrible, just the thought that this is the rest of my life possibly (I'm still waiting for the cure!). It helps to stay busy and not think about me. There's always worse things. Best to look at the positive. I am grateful for every day that I'm still here.

Last night I was reminded by a friend of one of many amazing moments I've had while dealing with this cancer. The more I thought about it, I realized I've had numerous incredible experiences that have left no doubt in my mind that God lives and cares about me (and you too!). So even though sometimes I might get a little fearful or feel a little (or even a lot) yucky-- I know that everything will be okay because God is watching over me and will take care of me and my family.

Feeling hopeful!

I missed most of the Saturday morning Conference Session from two weeks ago, so I've been watching the archives. I felt like the whole conference was just what I needed to hear. A few nights ago as I was watching, I absolutely loved President Uchtdorf's talk--so in case you're interested, here's the link:
(You have to hit the bottom right arrow twice until you get to the last talk (President Dieter Uchtdorf) and click on his picture.)
http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?type=conference&event=178&lang=english

I've been doing well on my week off the chemo pills. I'll start again on Monday for another week. I also have a Huntsman appointment on Tuesday to check my blood counts. I'm hoping that miraculously my numbers will be so great they'll take me off the chemo. Is that positive thinking or denial? Either way, it feels good to have hope.

So far so good!

I've been on my new chemo pills for two days and have felt pretty good! I am a bit tired, but I think I was that way before. I felt a little nauseous this morning, but after a chewing on some ginger I felt much better. I'll be taking 2 pills twice a day for seven days on then seven days off. I need to talk with my homeopathic Dr. to know if I should only be taking his remedies on my off weeks.

Here's beautiful Alaska from last week's trip.


There's a lot of glaciers up there!


It was amazingly sunny for the six days we were there. People said it was incredible to have so many days together where it was clear--in fact this past summer they hardly had three sunny days together. The weather forcast said it would rain the entire time we were going to be there. God knew I needed some sunshine. It's been snowing since we left.

Gone to Alaska

Hello from Alaska!!
I hitched a ride here with Bry since he was heading here for work.
The mountains are amazing and the fall colors are gorgeous!!
We hiked the mountain behind me last night.

I've decided to start chemo treatment #2 (see below) when I get back and we'll see how it goes. For now--I'm trying to forget about that.

PET Scan Results

I talked with my oncologist on Saturday, and she said there's a little more cancer in my liver, so she suggested trying a new treatment. She gave me some different options and said it's not an emergency, so I have time to think it over. I'll call her back with my decision--or to talk more about it on Friday (Sept. 26th).

OPTION 1
Switch from taking Femara every day to taking Faslodax (hormone therapy drugs). She said she'd give this a 20% chance of working.

OPTION 2
Chemotherapy in the form of a pill called Xeloda that I'd take twice a day (3 pills at a time). She gives this about a 40% chance of working.

OPTION 3
Chemo in the form of an IV of Adriamycin (probably every three weeks--I'm guessing)--possibly along with a pill called Sutent.

OPTION 4
Chemo in the form of an IV of Taxol--along with a pill called Avastin.

Each of these has their own set of lovely side effects. My oncologist seems to lean toward option 2.

I will also be meeting with my Homeopathic Dr. by videoconference on Tuesday to discuss whether I need to change any of my homeopathic remedies. I feel they've been working since my blood has improved (red, white blood cell counts). Now if we could just get the liver cleaned up.

And who knows--maybe death is inevitable (well--of course it is-- we're all going to die someday)--but I still cling to the hope for a miracle. So either I'll be miraculously cured, or I'll miraculously die.

Bry says he feels like we have a steam roller slowly coming towards us. We can see it coming, but aren't sure exactly when it's going to hit. Well, isn't that lovely. Happy thoughts!!